Saturday, 9 November 2013

Little Pinocchio in ourselves

I have to make a confession: I am not always completely honest with the people I am talking to. And not only with random people I meet at a birthday party: also with my very own friends. But let’s be truly honest, that’s not really shocking, is it? Not because I am such a jerk, but because no-one is always completely honest with his friends, right? A more interesting question would be: should you always be honest with your friends? Being honest might hurt your friend’s feelings, so maybe you should rather lie and keep you and your friend happy, than telling the “painful” truth, right? Or would that prevent you in some way from bonding – with your friend – on a “deeper” level? A “friend” level? Or maybe the entire dichotomy – between kindness on the one hand and honesty one the other – is just completely wrong: who says that honesty and kindness cannot go hand in hand? After all, isn’t being honest always a kind gesture, even though the content of this gesture might not always appear to be flattering? Let’s take a look at that.
I am sure you know the dilemma: should you tell your friend the not so positive truth or should you rather lie in order not to cause a stir? Maybe – while in your moment of doubt – the following questions cross your mind, “What is the value of friendship without honesty? Isn’t that where friends are for, to be honest with each other, no matter what? No matter how hard the message might be, someone should tell you the truth, right? And this someone should be your friend, right?” But after having thought through the consequences of being honest, you might start coming up with different – more negative – scenarios, “I don’t want to lose my friend by being rude to him. Maybe he’ll think that I am not respecting him. Maybe he’ll avoid me in the future. Maybe I will lose him as a friend”.
We human beings are afraid to be honest. We are afraid that people – including our friends – might not want to hear us say negative things about them, even though these negative things might be said with the best of intentions. Friendships are valuable to us; so valuable, that we don’t want to risk losing them. But, what if you had to choose between (1) your friends being always honest with you (but not necessarily positive) or (2) your friends always being positive (but not necessarily honest with you)? And, more importantly, what category of friends would you consider to be “better” friends? Not the first category, right? Not those superficial and cowardly creatures, right? No. A true friend should be willing to tell you the truth, no matter what. That is what true friendship consists of.
However, that means that you should be willing to accept the comments of your friend. That you should be grateful for him having the courage to tell you what he thinks. You’d have to show him that he is a true friend to you and that he’s valued for being honest with you. Don’t criticize your friend’s comments. See them as a sign of true friendship. And, on the other side, interpret flattery for what it really is: a mask to hide feelings of insecurity and neediness.
I believe that you should always be able to tell your friends the truth. And if it turns out that they cannot handle the truth, then you probably weren’t true friends in the first place, right? On the other hand, we all want to be happy and sometimes hearing the truth might make us sad. After all, how happy would we be if everyone around us, including our friends, would constantly share their negative – but true – conceptions of us? Nonetheless, we must grow up and dare to face the storm of well-intended criticism. Because you’ll never improve if you don’t know what you’re doing wrong.
But what do you think?
- See more at: http://theyoungsocrates.com/2013/01/15/honesty-and-friends-a-good-combination/#sthash.1ny1gTWJ.dpuf

I have to make a confession: I am not always completely honest with the people I am talking to. And not only with random people I meet at a birthday party: also with my very own friends. But let’s be truly honest, that’s not really shocking, is it? Not because I am such a jerk, but because no-one is always completely honest with his friends, right? A more interesting question would be: should you always be honest with your friends? Being honest might hurt your friend’s feelings, so maybe you should rather lie and keep you and your friend happy, than telling the “painful” truth, right? Or would that prevent you in some way from bonding – with your friend – on a “deeper” level? A “friend” level? Or maybe the entire dichotomy – between kindness on the one hand and honesty one the other – is just completely wrong: who says that honesty and kindness cannot go hand in hand? After all, isn’t being honest always a kind gesture, even though the content of this gesture might not always appear to be flattering? Let’s take a look at that.
I am sure you know the dilemma: should you tell your friend the not so positive truth or should you rather lie in order not to cause a stir? Maybe – while in your moment of doubt – the following questions cross your mind, “What is the value of friendship without honesty? Isn’t that where friends are for, to be honest with each other, no matter what? No matter how hard the message might be, someone should tell you the truth, right? And this someone should be your friend, right?” But after having thought through the consequences of being honest, you might start coming up with different – more negative – scenarios, “I don’t want to lose my friend by being rude to him. Maybe he’ll think that I am not respecting him. Maybe he’ll avoid me in the future. Maybe I will lose him as a friend”.
We human beings are afraid to be honest. We are afraid that people – including our friends – might not want to hear us say negative things about them, even though these negative things might be said with the best of intentions. Friendships are valuable to us; so valuable, that we don’t want to risk losing them. But, what if you had to choose between (1) your friends being always honest with you (but not necessarily positive) or (2) your friends always being positive (but not necessarily honest with you)? And, more importantly, what category of friends would you consider to be “better” friends? Not the first category, right? Not those superficial and cowardly creatures, right? No. A true friend should be willing to tell you the truth, no matter what. That is what true friendship consists of.
However, that means that you should be willing to accept the comments of your friend. That you should be grateful for him having the courage to tell you what he thinks. You’d have to show him that he is a true friend to you and that he’s valued for being honest with you. Don’t criticize your friend’s comments. See them as a sign of true friendship. And, on the other side, interpret flattery for what it really is: a mask to hide feelings of insecurity and neediness.
I believe that you should always be able to tell your friends the truth. And if it turns out that they cannot handle the truth, then you probably weren’t true friends in the first place, right? On the other hand, we all want to be happy and sometimes hearing the truth might make us sad. After all, how happy would we be if everyone around us, including our friends, would constantly share their negative – but true – conceptions of us? Nonetheless, we must grow up and dare to face the storm of well-intended criticism. Because you’ll never improve if you don’t know what you’re doing wrong.
But what do you think?
- See more at: http://theyoungsocrates.com/2013/01/15/honesty-and-friends-a-good-combination/#sthash.1ny1gTWJ.dpuf
I have to make a confession: I am not always completely honest with the people I am talking to. And not only with random people I meet at a birthday party: also with my very own friends. But let’s be truly honest, that’s not really shocking, is it? Not because I am such a jerk, but because no-one is always completely honest with his friends, right? A more interesting question would be: should you always be honest with your friends? Being honest might hurt your friend’s feelings, so maybe you should rather lie and keep you and your friend happy, than telling the “painful” truth, right? Or would that prevent you in some way from bonding – with your friend – on a “deeper” level? A “friend” level? Or maybe the entire dichotomy – between kindness on the one hand and honesty one the other – is just completely wrong: who says that honesty and kindness cannot go hand in hand? After all, isn’t being honest always a kind gesture, even though the content of this gesture might not always appear to be flattering? Let’s take a look at that.
I am sure you know the dilemma: should you tell your friend the not so positive truth or should you rather lie in order not to cause a stir? Maybe – while in your moment of doubt – the following questions cross your mind, “What is the value of friendship without honesty? Isn’t that where friends are for, to be honest with each other, no matter what? No matter how hard the message might be, someone should tell you the truth, right? And this someone should be your friend, right?” But after having thought through the consequences of being honest, you might start coming up with different – more negative – scenarios, “I don’t want to lose my friend by being rude to him. Maybe he’ll think that I am not respecting him. Maybe he’ll avoid me in the future. Maybe I will lose him as a friend”.
We human beings are afraid to be honest. We are afraid that people – including our friends – might not want to hear us say negative things about them, even though these negative things might be said with the best of intentions. Friendships are valuable to us; so valuable, that we don’t want to risk losing them. But, what if you had to choose between (1) your friends being always honest with you (but not necessarily positive) or (2) your friends always being positive (but not necessarily honest with you)? And, more importantly, what category of friends would you consider to be “better” friends? Not the first category, right? Not those superficial and cowardly creatures, right? No. A true friend should be willing to tell you the truth, no matter what. That is what true friendship consists of.
However, that means that you should be willing to accept the comments of your friend. That you should be grateful for him having the courage to tell you what he thinks. You’d have to show him that he is a true friend to you and that he’s valued for being honest with you. Don’t criticize your friend’s comments. See them as a sign of true friendship. And, on the other side, interpret flattery for what it really is: a mask to hide feelings of insecurity and neediness.
I believe that you should always be able to tell your friends the truth. And if it turns out that they cannot handle the truth, then you probably weren’t true friends in the first place, right? On the other hand, we all want to be happy and sometimes hearing the truth might make us sad. After all, how happy would we be if everyone around us, including our friends, would constantly share their negative – but true – conceptions of us? Nonetheless, we must grow up and dare to face the storm of well-intended criticism. Because you’ll never improve if you don’t know what you’re doing wrong.
But what do you think?
- See more at: http://theyoungsocrates.com/2013/01/15/honesty-and-friends-a-good-combination/#sthash.1ny1gTWJ.dpuf
I have to make a confession: I am not always completely honest with the people I am talking to. And not only with random people I meet at a birthday party: also with my very own friends. But let’s be truly honest, that’s not really shocking, is it? Not because I am such a jerk, but because no-one is always completely honest with his friends, right? A more interesting question would be: should you always be honest with your friends? Being honest might hurt your friend’s feelings, so maybe you should rather lie and keep you and your friend happy, than telling the “painful” truth, right? Or would that prevent you in some way from bonding – with your friend – on a “deeper” level? A “friend” level? Or maybe the entire dichotomy – between kindness on the one hand and honesty one the other – is just completely wrong: who says that honesty and kindness cannot go hand in hand? After all, isn’t being honest always a kind gesture, even though the content of this gesture might not always appear to be flattering? Let’s take a look at that.
I am sure you know the dilemma: should you tell your friend the not so positive truth or should you rather lie in order not to cause a stir? Maybe – while in your moment of doubt – the following questions cross your mind, “What is the value of friendship without honesty? Isn’t that where friends are for, to be honest with each other, no matter what? No matter how hard the message might be, someone should tell you the truth, right? And this someone should be your friend, right?” But after having thought through the consequences of being honest, you might start coming up with different – more negative – scenarios, “I don’t want to lose my friend by being rude to him. Maybe he’ll think that I am not respecting him. Maybe he’ll avoid me in the future. Maybe I will lose him as a friend”.
We human beings are afraid to be honest. We are afraid that people – including our friends – might not want to hear us say negative things about them, even though these negative things might be said with the best of intentions. Friendships are valuable to us; so valuable, that we don’t want to risk losing them. But, what if you had to choose between (1) your friends being always honest with you (but not necessarily positive) or (2) your friends always being positive (but not necessarily honest with you)? And, more importantly, what category of friends would you consider to be “better” friends? Not the first category, right? Not those superficial and cowardly creatures, right? No. A true friend should be willing to tell you the truth, no matter what. That is what true friendship consists of.
However, that means that you should be willing to accept the comments of your friend. That you should be grateful for him having the courage to tell you what he thinks. You’d have to show him that he is a true friend to you and that he’s valued for being honest with you. Don’t criticize your friend’s comments. See them as a sign of true friendship. And, on the other side, interpret flattery for what it really is: a mask to hide feelings of insecurity and neediness.
I believe that you should always be able to tell your friends the truth. And if it turns out that they cannot handle the truth, then you probably weren’t true friends in the first place, right? On the other hand, we all want to be happy and sometimes hearing the truth might make us sad. After all, how happy would we be if everyone around us, including our friends, would constantly share their negative – but true – conceptions of us? Nonetheless, we must grow up and dare to face the storm of well-intended criticism. Because you’ll never improve if you don’t know what you’re doing wrong.
But what do you think?
- See more at: http://theyoungsocrates.com/2013/01/15/honesty-and-friends-a-good-combination/#sthash.1ny1gTWJ.dpufI have to make a confession: I am not always completely honest with the people I am talking to. And not only with random people I meet socially: also with my very own friends.

I have to make a confession: I am not always completely honest with the people. Over and over again, we see honesty used only as a last resort, when all the lies run out.

As children, we might have had a strong sense of justice, of instinctively knowing when something is unfair.But when we become adults, that instinct is put aside because it’s not a ticket to advancement. Besides if everyone else is doing it, why be the exception?

To be the exception requires the strength of moral character that is able to withstand the pressures that come from others, whether family, colleagues or bosses.

"Office politics" is a very dirty term in corporate world. This is the sad reality, and it exists in proportions across offices. After all a dysfunctional office makes for unhappy employees, high attrition and low productivity. Even then, sometimes we get pulled into without our knowledge and at other times we create a scenario to save our misdoings. 

No matter how well-grounded, polite and friendly we are, playing politics is unavoidable and an essential part of our office survival toolkit. Even if we hate the very nature of the term ‘office politics’, simply don’t want to get involved and believe we are just there to keep our head down and deliver – unfortunately, we just can’t avoid it, we need to get involved at some level.

Sometimes, people tend to lie or giving excuses when they are caught. Or they try and drag other people to clear their wrong. And we stood being silent  at all because whatever we say can definitely be used against us if the person you're talking to is one of those ladder climbers who will distort everything to make themselves look better.

It requires the courage to take whatever blow back that might come from standing one’s ground, some of which undoubtedly will have implications to more than one’s self.

But for those with such courage, the greatest reward is the ability to sleep at night, knowing their conscience is clear. Today I find myself wishing I know people of such moral fortitude because they do seem thin on the ground.

Being honest may not always be the easiest or most convenient course, but it is the course of integrity. Regardless of the prevalence of dishonesty, we all have the freedom to choose to live by a higher standard.

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